What Do I Choose To Be?

Around July, my article had been posted on The Himalayan Times and I had sent them what I wrote like a year ago and they finally post it. So yeah, just wanted to share that in my blog as well! I guess a lot of teenagers relate to this, if you don't then you sure are a lucky one! :P

WHAT DO I CHOOSE TO BE?

Should I be a doctor? An engineer? Or writer, painter, musician ... the list goes on. Being a teen is pretty hard, seriously really, really hard! Facing problems, dealing with problems and moving on with problems. Problems never leave us; we just realise them, as we get older. 

Who am I? What am I going to become? All those what, how and when questions buzz through our teen minds. 

If I read a blog or a storybook, I instantly want to be a writer. If I paint or draw, I see myself as a painter or an artist, when I do lab and science related stuff, I want to be a doctor, and if I see fashion shows, I want be a fashion designer. I wish I could become all of them, but I have to choose one. But which one? What am I good at? 

I don’t know what I am good at but I am sure that I am good at anything that interests me. Can’t I be all in one? Sadly that wouldn’t work. I want to see the world, be free and live the life that I want to live. I want to be that. 

Everything Has Changed (Chap. 8)

Really sorry for this seriously really late post. I was caught up with school work so didn't get the time to write! But winter break is here and Christmas is in 3 days! Something surprising is yet to come for the Christmas special "chapter" for this story. So happy reading! ;D

Everything Has Changed (Chap. 8)

"Mom? Mom? Hey? Good morning," I gently woke up her, "I got you breakfast. You have to have you medicine as well."

"Thank you dear," She said weakly, "Have you seen your dad?"

"Dad? Umm, yeah. He's in the kitchen.'

'He is? Your dad? In the kitchen??"

"Yes Mom," I said with a laugh, but that laugh quickly went away. "Okay mom, I am going to go study, I'll see you in a while. Take rest."

"Okay honey. Oh wait, before you go. Can you tell your dad to come here?"

"Okay," Well, thats weird. What's wrong with people. One week ago they were being completely rude to each other and acted like strangers and now they are so nice to each other.

"Dad? Mom's calling you."

"Okay, tell her I'm coming." What. Now Im there messenger?! Nope. I'll just go to my room. Ugh.

I went back in my room, I wonder what Ryan is doing at this moment. I should call him.

5 minutes later..No answer. What is up with people today?!

It was late and I had to go sleep. I didn't go check in with mom or dad. I was doing homework anyway. I was about to sleep when..my phone vibrates.

"Hey! I'm really sorry for not picking up. I was outside." was the message from Ryan.
I think I was in the mood of being rude to everyone that time, so I didn't bother to reply; just went to sleep.

***

Everything has Changed (Chapter seven)

Everything was back to normal again. People were back to hanging out with their own groups, not bothered with anyone else anymore. It was just during the dance that everyone was all bonding together. Jason and Zoe were nowhere to be seen, which was kind of, pretty obvious.
"Hey Anne!"
"Heyy.."
"Anne," Ryan said looking at me with seriousness, "Whats wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine. Whats up?"
"Geez Anne. I know you too well. You're upset about Jason, aren't you? Forget the-"
"Ryan. Please. I dont wanna hear his name...like how can he even do that. Like now we cant even expect anything from anyone anymore. Aren't you feeling bad what Zoe did?" I said turning to him finally.
"Yeah, Ofcourse I do feel bad but that doesnt mean you just shut yourself up like that. Maybe it wasnt meant to be and you didnt you actually enjoy yesterday, i mean I surely did! Just because they ditched us, doesnt mean we have to feel bad about it. We enjoyed anyway so CHEER UP ANNE!"
"OH my god. YOu trying to be all serious..already cracking me up! Fine. lets head to class."

Lunch Break

Phone rings..

"Hello..mom? is everything okay?"
"Hello. Annebelle? This is not your mother. Please come to St. Joseph Hospital right away, your mother just got into an accident. I have already informed your father. Please come right away."
"what..."
"Anne? hey? whats wrong?" and then he took my phone and asked who that person was. She was the nurse of that hospital. I just couldn't move. I felt numb and completely lost. Somehow Ryan managed to get me there to the hospital.
"Hey. Excuse me? Can you please tell us in which room Ms. Montgomery is admitted in?"
"Room 25. Too the right please."
"Thankyou," said Ryan and we ran to Room 25.
After An hour or so.
"You are Ms. Montgomery's family?"
"Yes Doctor. How is she? what happened?"
"She is better now.  Her blood pressure was too high so it lead to a major migraine so while she was driving she lost her balance and led to an accident. She doesnt have any major injuries though she had some stiches. Her blood pressure is normal now and she can go home today itself. There should be someone who needs to look after her though. So i believe you are his husband and you two are the children?"
"Oh no no doctor. Annebelle is Ms. Montgomery's daughter. I'm just Annebelle's friend."
"Okay doctor. I will take care of, umm, my w-wife. Can we go meet her?"
"Yes. Yes ofcourse. I'll send the nurse to get you the list of some medications your wife needs to take."
"Okay, thankyou so much doctor." I could not believe my ears that my dad was basically lying to the doctor about mom. They are divorced! How can he say shes his wife when they are practically not together anymore. I gave that glare to my dad but he acted like he didn't see it and then he went inside to meet her.
"Its gonna be all right Anne. Dont worry. Everything will be okay." and Ryan had his hand around my shoulder.

 Later that evening.

Mom was in dad's apartment. I couldn't bear the fact that he lied to the doctor, if he was going to lie like that why did he and mom had a divorce in the first place? I just dont get why they are trying to make things more complicated. I couldnt argue with dad right now as mom is still not well. I helped her get inside the room and then she fell asleep. I didnt bother to look at my dad, just went straight to my room and locked the door.

"Yo loser. help me man."  I messaged Ryan on facebook.
"yeah calling me loser and asking for help. How nice of you Anne."
"You know me. Dude, I swear what is going on in my life. ugh."
"Anne, stop overreacting. Ups and downs are part of life. I know you're strong and you can handle this, and if you cant, Ill help you handle them, k?"
"Aww Ryan. why are you being too nice? hmm something fishy going on huh?"
"Yup. totally."
"alright buddy. My brain is drained with too much drama. see ya tomorrow."
"alright. see ya. :)"

The Dance (Everything has Changed - Chap. 6)

The day came. I wore a dark green silk gown, that gown my mother had given me months ago. I had kept it neat and clean especially for this day. I don't know why but this dance seemed like the the most important thing for me, for all of us. I was waiting for Jason to ring the bell and call my name. I was waiting in my room, my heart beating real fast and my eyes gazing at the clock. Just then the bell rang!

"Um..Yes?" My dad said.
"Umm. Hi Mr. Hudson. I am Jason, umm Anne's date for the dance. I came to pick her up."
"Oh..oh..I..um call her..just a minute."
"Sure..thank you sir."
"Anne! Jason's here!"
"Coming" I said in a hurry, nearly tripping over the stair case.

"Hey dad I will be back by midnight! Okay bye!"
"have fun honey!"

Everything Has Changed (Ch. 5)

Okay. The day came. I agreed with Ryan that I would do it but then now..I'm just..frozen.
This was the only time i didn't want the bell to ring, I had promised Ryan that I would ask him during lunch break..the teacher was just finished writing up all the homework on the board, i had already copied them ..now all i was doing was staring at the clock and wishing it not to end the class. But then, like any other day, our class ended, the bell rang and everyone rushed outside to get lunch and i was stuck in my desk, impatiently over thinking about the situation.

Bundled up feelings

Haven't you ever felt like you're going to collapse and just crumble and break down?

Sometimes life takes such unexpected turns, that you don't even realize whats going on. Actually life's just unexpected, weird, complicated, all at the same time. *sigh

At one point you are happy, all cheerful, feel like everything is so wonderful, beautiful, full of love and then suddenly out of no where those feelings of insecurity and sadness overshadow that happiness.
Feelings are just so strong we don't even know whats going on. Our feelings control our mind so strongly that we end up doing what we feel like doing. And oh when you are a teen, then boy, life's just a roller coaster ride.

You don't know whether you are an adult or still just a kid. You are basically in the middle; neither too inclined on adulthood nor childhood. We are expected to be mature and responsible about almost everything yet we are treated like kids. While we are dealing with all kinds of emotional, physically and mental changes, other things just barge in like a bullet.

I guess we just move on and learn from everything we experience. But then again sometimes we are just like struck in the moment, we are so not ready to accept the things happening in our lives. But I guess we just learn from the baby steps we take. We just have to think that the ups and downs are part of life and that everything happens for good:)

yeah, today out of no where i just wanted to share this, cuz i know everyone feels like this some point in their lives or maybe every day. Don't take life so seriously that you forget the good sides of it, and don't even take it for granted that you end up forgetting its importance :)

Everything Has Changed (Ch. 4)

At School

I know you totally like him Anne, I can so see it in your eyes! 

Shut up Ryan, its nothing like that. Theres so much going on Ryan that I can't think of this right now okay? WIll you PLEASE stop teasing me!

OKay, okay Anne, CHILL! Hey you remember, right? today its our…?

WHat?

OH my god Anne, today its our…OURR?

Our…? OH RIGHT! the movie thing??

NOOO! Anne seriously, we have been best friends since 4th grade, how can you still not remember? ugh.

Oh my god, I'm kidding Ryan! I know, we have the big game right? the marshmallow eating game between us? haha how can i forget that, we do this when either one of us gets sad! Of course i remember RYan, you idiot!

Ouch! you can't just pinch me like that young lady! lets go the class before Mr. Gupta yells at us with his funny indian accent haha!

Thank god i have Ryan in my life. I have no idea how I would deal with all the crap I'm going through without him. Even if my parents or my brother not here for me, at least Ryan is.

Questioned Heart (Chap. 11)

"Jen i know you have powers..you just have to practice. You are smart. use your smartness and turn them into your powers. Elivare would soon be destroyed. "

"Are you even doing this for us, Gus? I think you are just using me. so that you would be free and then what? leave me, i bet?"

NO! DO you even hear yourself? how can you say this Je-

"Eugene, let her be, she needs time..it will take some time to get this through.."
"Please guys, i need to be alone, let me be for a while..ill come when I'm ready..please.."
"Okay.." He kissed me on the forehead, looked at me but I didn't even turn to him, and then I realized who the other person was..it was Alex. I never thought it would ever be him..he's Sam's boyfriend. what is even going on? Did Sam knew all this at the first place? who should i even believe now? What might my mom be thinking? I should probably call them.

"Hey mom, i guess you are waiting for an explanation. Im sorry I just with G-Gus. Im fine, okay, you don't have to worry about me.  Love you."

'Hey Jen, Slow down. Augustus has told me everything. I know. You don't have to lie. Actually I lied to you. I should have told you. I knew everything from the beginning. Im really sorry Jen. Please forgive me. I will come visit you tonight. Love you."

I was just in completely shock. Who am i? Am i some kind of scary witch who knows all those witch crafts? I felt so sick … but whatever happens, I won't let anything ruin my Gus. Ill protect him, no matter what happens. I have to, if i am born to do this then I will do this. I took a deep breathe, stood up and went down stairs…

"Tell me what I have to do. Im ready."

Questioned Heart (Chap. 10)

[Oh my god! really sorry for this oh so late post! but guess what? I have finally posted Chap. 10 of Questioned Heart! Enjoy Reading! :) ]

Her

Wide awake. Where am i? this doesn’t look like my room? Ouch..why does my head hurt so bad…”HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! AHH WHO ARE YOU??!”

“Jen, JE-JENN Calm down. Listen to me!”

“WHeres my gus?! WHERE IS HE??? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM!!!!” I couldn’t stay calm anymore. This isn’t right. Its not.

“Listen to me Jen, please!” He shook me. Telling me to calm down. I was shivering. Shaking with fear and confusion.

“Jen, I am you Gus…this is me Augustus..please calm down…You have to believe me..i don’t have much time..I need you..please Jen.” I slowly stopped shaking..breathing heavily, I looked at him with my confused eyes..my heartbeat was rebelling..my mind was yelling for an answer…

Everything Has Changed (Chap. Three)

Yup…6 months past already..i don't even know how slowly it went or how fast it past.
The apartment..i mean my dad's apartment..don't even know what to expect. Everything happened in a blink of an eye. So unreal, yet so true. Do i even deserve this kind of life where i get no love either ways? Who should I even trust now. No that isn't a question, its a statement.

I go upstairs..my room, wasn't that bad. The same old bed, fresh sheets and the cool air blowing in.

*knock *knock.

I turned.

'Annabelle?'
'Yeah?'
'Um, hey..ah-I-I um do you want anything to eat? its been a long ride. What do you want to eat?'
'No dad I'm not hungry. Thanks.'
'Um okay, call me when you feel hungry alright?'
'okay.'

Yup. That was how our conversations were, similar with mom. Since the divorce, i barely talked to them, let alone anyone. I mean whats the point talking to anyone now, you get close and attach to them once you start communicating with them a lot and then suddenly they leave you and you become dumbstruck and hurt all over again. So simply just not talk to anyone at all.
Hmm, summer breaks started…lets see how my life rolls.

Everything Has Changed (Chap. Two)

Hours has passed. The clocks ticking..I wait patiently in the court room. I call my brother, but he doesnt pick up of course. He should be here, but I guess my parents doesnt care anymore. Maybe because they have me as proof to show the judge, i dont know..

What i have mostly seen, is that kids my age usually become restless, pissed off and annoyed by all this drama, even my brother is..people change by the slightest difference in their life..but why not me? I know im hurt, im confused, but I should have tried to stop them..I should have made an effort to bring them back together..but why am I not doing anything to stop this? Guess im just used to this now, or maybe I knew they would never last together..Everything eventually has changed..except for me..

The judge finalized his decision.

'Ms. Montgomery and Mr. Hudson, final decision has been made..both of you are officially divorced.'
I hold my breathe, my eyes were teary...I didnt want to look weak..I looked down and waited for what the judge had to say next.

'Ms. Annabelle would be spending 6 months at Ms. Montgomery and 6 months at Mr. Hudson. And the decision is finalized.'

My brother wasn't even needed here because he would be in college and the judge wouldn't need to make him live with mom and dad like that..lucky him.

Everything Has Changed (Chap. One)

[This is a new story i came up with now, will continue 'Questioned Heart' later on! :) Happy Reading! ^^ ]

Missed it. I missed it again. The chance. That one time when everything was perfect, I had the chance to choose but then, I missed it.

He was staring at me, and i was staring back at him too. He called out my name, but no one heard except for me. My lips trembled, tried to move, but nothing happened, no voice came out. I just stood there motionless. And then suddenly someone called my name, I catch my breath wishing it was him but no..it was someone else. Dammit.

I had all the chance to choose but i didn't. Why? i don't know. Was too scared I guess?

I still had that feeling, butterflies in my stomach, my heart beat speeding up like it had no control. Since yesterday everything has changed. Thought I was getting lucky this time but no, i was wrong. Why did he stare at me like he would choose me but didn't say anything. I looked at him when my name was called, no expression on his face, blank and still..kept looking at me..then he looked away and didn't turn back. He acted like nothing happened..great..maybe its just me who's thinking it that way..